Office Babies
by ktface3
Summary: Just close your eyes and make-believe, and you can be anywhere, even in elementary school with pint-sized characters from The Office.


_A/N: it's your favorite office bunch, except elementary-school style! I think it's cute, but what do I know? Review and let me know, and maybe then I'll be inclined to write some more. Enjoy!_

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"Kelly! Cut it out!" Ryan screamed as he ran across the playground with the small Indian girl chasing after him, her pink skirt flowing in the wind. He climbed up a stepladder onto a castle play structure where his buddies, Jimmy and Kevin, were. Kelly stopped at the base of the structure and looked up at him. 

"Ryan… Let me give you a kiss!" she prompted, but Ryan leaned over the side of the structure and stuck his tongue out at her. She folded her arms and let out a huff and then walked away to the swings where some of the girls were. He sighed and turned to his two friends, who were chuckling at him.

In between giggles, Kevin began singing, "Ryan and Kelly, sitting in a tree—"

"Cut it out, Kevin," Ryan said angrily.

"K-I-S-S—"

"Kevin!"

"I-N-G!" Kevin doubled-over in giggles.

Ryan protested, "Girls have cooties, and I don't want any of them kissing me! 'Specially girls named Kelly with big butts!"

"Girls don't have cooties," Jimmy replied, looking out at the swings at Kelly, who burst into tears as soon as she reached her friends. "My brother kisses girls all the time and doesn't get cooties."

Kevin waved his arms, "Don't listen to him Ryan! Girls def'nitely have cooties..." He opened up a fun size pack of M&M's and dumped the contents into his mouth. "Jimmy's prob'ly just infected with the cootie virus from his brother.. and it makes him say girls don't have cooties, so more boys get infected with cooties," he said with his mouth full.

"Who has cooties?" Dwight, a boy dressed in overalls and a flannel shirt, popped his head up and climbed into the tower of the castle where the boys stood. Ryan and Jimmy exchanged a disgusted glance; Dwight was always annoying them.

"Kelly does," Ryan told him.

"Dwight, shouldn't you go play policeman like you do every day at lunch?" Jimmy asked.

He flipped open a small notebook, "Act'ally, I am. You three're squatters in this castle—"

"Squatters?" Kevin giggled. "Like what you do in the bathroom?"

"I think you should be worried about the cooties," Jimmy told Dwight, putting his arm around him and turning him back toward the stepladder. "Go check by the swings."

"Okay… If you're sure.."

"Oh, I am… We'll go with you too for backup."

Ryan's eyes widened. "We will?"

"Oh yeah. We don't wanna miss this," Jimmy insisted, knowing Dwight would make a fool of himself. So the four of them made their way down the ladder and marched over to the swings, where they found a sobbing Kelly surrounded by a group of girls.

"Kelly Kapoor," Dwight announced and Kelly raised her head. "Ryan says you have cooties. I need to check you for green spots on your tongue and give the rest of the girls a cootie shot." Ryan blushed as Jimmy and Kevin stifled their laughter.

"Ryan said what?" she asked through sniffles.

Dwight repeated again, "You have cooties—" He advanced toward Kelly, ready to pry her mouth open to look for signs of infection.

"There's no such thing as cooties," Angela, the small blonde girl in the group told him as she held her hand out to halt him. "Only sinners. That's what daddy says." Dwight gave her a skeptical look and she returned his gaze sternly, staring him down.

He put away his notebook and backed away, making sure to tell the girls, "You'll be sorry without your cootie shot. Jimmy? Kevin? Ryan? You guys want one?"

"Are we okay to touch girls if we get one?" Jimmy asked.

"Yes."

"Okay." Jimmy stuck out his arm and Dwight administered the shot, with Kevin and Ryan following suit.

"Circle circle, dot dot, now you have your cootie shot."

"Thanks Dwight," Ryan muttered, glancing at Kelly, who still looked upset. He decided to go over to her. "Kelly, I'm sorry I said you have cooties."

"It's okay," she replied, wiping her nose with her sleeve. "Can I give you a hug?"

"I guess…" He stood rigid as she squeezed him tightly, and then pulled away as soon as he saw her going in for a kiss. "Kelly! Don't!" The children giggled as she began to chase him.

"But you have your cootie shot now!!" she shouted as they ran away from the swings. Kevin decided to sit down on a swing and open another pack of M&M's. He shared a couple with Jimmy and Phyllis, another girl sitting next to him on the swings, and then began to rock back and forth lightly. Soon everyone was swinging or helping to push.

"Look at me!" Meredith, a redheaded girl, shouted. "I'm going really high!"

"Pump your legs!" Angela shouted at Dwight as he struggled to get swinging. Jimmy unexpectedly gave him a push, and he flailed his legs as he gave Jimmy a glare. He just snickered and continued to go down the line giving people a push until he came to a girl just sitting on the swing and drawing in a notebook.

"Hi Pam.. do you want a push?" he leaned over her shoulder and asked.

"Um, no thanks."

"But, you're taking up a swing—" he started to say, so she began to swing slightly, smirking up at him. He smiled back and asked curiously, "What are you drawing?"

".. Um, cootie bugs." She held up her notepad and they giggled at the little, round insects with hearts for eyes. Suddenly they were startled by two kids running out of the bushes nearby, both laughing hysterically. The boy in the suit they recognized from their class; he was always making trouble and disrupting lessons. They didn't recognize the little girl, but both children looked guilty and a little too affectionate with each other.

"I hope Mikey got his cootie shot," Jimmy told her and they both giggled. Just then they heard the bell to go back to class so they joined everyone to walk back inside. Everyone seemed to be talking about Mikey and the new girl, who turned out to be in another class. Phyllis said her name was Jan, and her family had just moved here from New York.

"Mikey didn't waste any time," Kevin pointed out.

"I wonder if she figured out how annoying he is," said Ryan.

Dwight protested, "Mikey's not annoying! I think he's really funny."

"You would," Jimmy muttered under his breath as they entered Mr. Wallace's classroom. Their desks were arranged in groups of four or five that faced each other, and so as soon as Jimmy and Dwight took their seats, they began to kick each other's desks, an eternal battle that had been going on since kindergarten. Neither of them even remembered who had started it all, but they both knew they were not going to be the one to back down. Phyllis, who sat with them, just laughed at their antics, and Stanney, a larger boy who sat next to Jimmy, just kept to himself and continued to read the dictionary.

"Alright, alright," Mr. Wallace tried to get the children's attention. "How was lunch everyone?" The children responded in between crashing noises of desks being kicked, and Mr. Wallace quickly shot his attention over to the two boys. "Dwight! Jimmy! What have I told you two about desk kicking?"

The boys looked at each other, both apprehensive to speak first. Finally, a little boy sitting near the back spoke up, "You told them to be the mature one and be the one to stop first."

"Very good Toby," Mr. Wallace said as he made his way to that group of desks. Toby sat with Kelly, Ryan, Meredith, and Creed, an older boy who looked like he had been held back a couple grades. Mr. Wallace handed Toby a gold star, "You can go put that on the good behavior chart."

"What!" Mikey shouted from across the room, where he was sitting with Pam, Angela, Kevin, and Oscar, a quiet boy with curly black hair. He stood up from his desk and continued to protest, "All he did was say somethin'!"

Mr. Wallace gave him a firm look, "He remembered the lesson, Mikey; unlike you when I've told you several times not to talk out of turn. Now sit back down." Mikey took his seat and Mr. Wallace made his way back up to the head of the class. "Okay, now this afternoon we're going to work on our group science projects, so can we have all the designated project carriers get their kits from the windowsill?"

Meredith, Oscar, and Phyllis went to the sill to pick up their butterfly gardens and took them back to the tables. Dwight immediately opened up his group's kit and took a small caterpillar out, and so Jimmy immediately began to complain.

"Dwight, we're not supposed to pick them up—"

"Well_I'm_ a farmer, I can do what I want with bugs."

Jimmy glared at him, "How can you be a farmer? You're in school all day."

"Well my family farms and so I learn more on the farm than I do in school—"

Phyllis looked inside the habitat and interrupted their arguing, "Where are the rest of them?"

Jimmy smacked Dwight on the forehead, "Dummy! You let out all our caterpillars!" The three of them began to look around as Stanney continued to read. They found one crawling down the leg of a desk and one on the floor, but weren't able to find the fourth one. "Maybe we should tell Mr. Wallace…" Jimmy suggested.

"Don't worry, I'll find it," insisted Dwight. Just then they heard a scream coming from the back of the classroom.

"Get it off me!" Kelly screeched, and Dwight immediately ran to her and scooped the caterpillar off her skirt.

"I told you I'd find it," he held up the small larvae and announced to his group. "I bet it liked Kelly cause she has cooties."

"I don't, have, cooties!" she shouted at him, and by this time Mr. Wallace had come over to assess the situation.

"Dwight, what do you have there?" he asked, and Dwight shrunk back in shame. "It looks like a caterpillar… you'd better put it back in your group's habitat. And then I want you to come out into the hall with me so we can talk about following directions."

"K.." Dwight sulkily did as Mr. Wallace said, and then the two of them headed for the door, but Mr. Wallace stopped at the group of desks near the entrance.

"Mikey, I want to see if you can handle responsibility, okay? You're in charge of class until Dwight and I are finished with our talk. If you do a good job, you get a gold star."

"Yess.." he beamed, and then Mr. Wallace escorted Dwight out the door. Mikey turned to his peers and announced, "Ok guys, I know you guys are all talking about cooties, but I _know_ cooties aren't real."

"How do you know?" Kevin asked.

Mikey smiled a big, toothy grin, "Because I kissed a girl today!" The class gasped and made comments to each other and then he went on, "Her name is Jan, and she's in Ms. Kendall's class, and she's the most beautiful girl in the world!" He went on and on and the class became increasingly disgusted and bored.

Out in the hall, Mr. Wallace was just finishing up his talk with Dwight. "So, why do you think you act out all the time?"

"Um.." Dwight stammered, "Well, Jimmy's always making fun of me—"

"Dwight, we've talked about this. Several times. With both your parents. And Jimmy says he only tries to annoy you because you annoy him. Is that true?"

"I dunno.."

Mr. Wallace sighed as he thought of a solution. "Do you think it would work if we put you at another group of desks?" Dwight smiled; he liked this idea. He nodded his head and Mr. Wallace gave him an assuring smile back. "Alright. Go back inside and pack up your stuff and we'll move you to another desk."

Dwight practically skipped back into the room where everyone was talking about Mikey kissing a girl and began collecting his things. Mr. Wallace went over to the group of desks by the door and bent down to talk to Mikey.

"Did everyone behave, Mikey?"

He nodded innocently, "Oh yeah. Everyone was fine. I did a good job of being in charge. I should be in charge a lot!" Angela and Pam looked at each other and made sickened faces at having to hear about him and the new girl kissing.

"Maybe I will next time.. Here's a gold star." Mikey skipped to the good behavior chart as Mr. Wallace scanned the rest of the table for someone who wouldn't make a lot of trouble. He knew Angela was difficult for other kids to get along with, Kevin would talk all the time with Jimmy, and Mikey needed to be in the front to be watched closely, so he turned to Oscar and Pam. "Okay you two, I need to move Dwight over here to separate him from Jimmy. Do either of you want to move over to sit next to Phyllis?"

"I'll go," Pam offered, eager to get away from Mikey.

"Thank you Pam. You get a gold star for the good behavior chart for helping to resolve conflict." She smiled softly and began to clean out her desk. "Dwight? You'll be sitting here next to Kevin and Angela." The two switched seats and then continued to work on the science projects with their new teams. Dwight and Mikey immediately began horsing around with the butterfly habitat, aggravating everyone else at their table.

"Dwight, don't encourage him," Angela gave him the evil eye, which made him stop goofing around with Mikey and start to fill out his worksheet. At the other set of tables, Pam put things away in her new desk as her group mates continued their work, but it wasn't long before she felt a set of eyes upon her. She looked up and saw Jimmy leaning over to see what she had for her desk.

"I like your doggy binder," he said and she blushed.

"Thanks.. want a jellybean?" She held out a small sandwich bag full of the multicolored candies and he took a couple, and then to be fair she offered some to Stanney and Phyllis as well. Mr. Wallace smiled at himself as he realized this new seating arrangement might work out; Angela could keep Dwight in check, and Pam wasn't going to cause any trouble, and so this helped him breathe a sigh of relief. It wasn't long though before he heard shouts coming from Ryan and Kelly at the back table, and his mind went back to corralling kids. He wondered if his master's degree in education was worth all of this.

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_Should I continue? You're the bosses, so let me know! Review!  
_


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